Friday, August 15, 2008

Thirty Seven And Three-Quarters Things I've Learned This Year

Chrysanthemums are easier to kill than other things.
Pumpkins melt.
Ballet is cool when there are severed body parts in it.
Boston is a cool place even when you're not good enough to be in the Blue Man Group.
Some people drive vans on rocks, and I don't know why.
The Red Menace is taking over the airline industry, one letter at a time.
Some people can talk and vomit at the same time.
Squirrels are black in Canada.
Canadians do not use American money.
California features big trees.
If you have a beard, you don’t have to shave.
Mattresses are better when you don’t have to inflate them.
There’s snack food in Wichita, but not much else.
The SLC cemetery got some old dead people.
Time does not exist in a plane. But people still want to know what time it is.
People think you’re praying when you're in the aft brace position.
FA uniforms got out of hand in the sixties.
A blazer makes you look cooler than you actually are.
With the WTHYA map, I know where you are.
Gate agents still can’t count.
If you're in a hotel on Christmas, you may not remember where it happened.
There are no jetway drivers, only trainees.
Overpressurization is yet another way the main cabin door can kill you.
The flu still exists, but popsicles are gone gone gone.
Red beans make good dinner but crappy candy.
The main cabin door will drop crap in your eyes and make you blind.
Many parents on the plane think that their babies are in charge.
Bad jetway drivers can drive you insane. But bad tug drivers can crack your skull.
Some taxi drivers would rather stay in their taxi than get paid.
Rampers meow at each other and it’s funny.
Vancouver is fun to bike in, but I look stupid in a helmet.
Lost is the best TV show ever.
The Alamo is a lot smaller in real life.
Driving into a wall of snow is embarrassing.
Egypt is hot, sandy, cheap, and amazing.
Calgary stampede: ok. Oreo beignets: priceless.
Diving is fun and scary.
To get a million dollars, all you have to do is



Anonymous Michels said...

The upper part of a compound microscope that holds the objective lens. Also, the partner who cheated needs to make an extra effort to behave in such a way that there is no doubt about where they are and what they are doing at all times. One of these questions, why does beer turn sour? was brought to his attention by the brewers of Lille.

2:38 AM  

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