Sunday, June 01, 2008

Aisle Racer GO!

When you see me in uniform, you might think I'm a professional with my mind rooted firmly in my job and my priorities in place. This is what you're supposed to think. What I'm actually doing, while you're inside the terminal thinking this, is running full tilt up and down the aisle in the empty plane. It's one of the more unexpectedly thrilling things I have access to these days. The armrests are damn two feet apart, and at full speed, if I make the slightest miscalculation, I end up upside-down in a window seat three rows back with a splintered tibia and my severed patella jammed into my ear.
The pilots hate this. Even though the plane weighs several tons, I'm enough to bounce it like a trailer you're not currently invited to.
Now if you ever board a plane and the flight attendant is breathing hard, you'll know what's up.


Blogger AkuTyger said...

This is one of the many reasons we who travel with small children wait until the plane is mostly deboarded to get off - so our kids can do this without hurting other passengers.

3:37 AM  
Anonymous sandtalker said...

And I always thought it was because the FA was so HAPPY to see us cattle...

8:52 AM  
Blogger Aviatrix said...

Have you talked your pilots into turning the airplane into a disco yet? You just need an empty airplane parked at the gate, an iPod and some tape. The pilot tapes the iPod earbuds to his microphone, turns the transmit switch to PA, tapes down the push-to-talk switch and turns on the iPod. Instant disco.

I stole that from Sam, at FL250, I think.

12:48 PM  
Anonymous zb said...

If you search for "Fun things to do with a microwave" on Youtube, you find many very nasty things you would not have imagined in your wildest dreams. I wonder if we soon can find weird stuff when we search for "Fun things to do with an empty plane."

1:54 PM  
Anonymous zb said...

... and if you disco too hard: Epic Fail.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I love Epic Fails. Not to do them, I mean. To see other people do them. Because, as I have previously stated, I am a jerk.

12:10 AM  

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