Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Drink They Do Get Down With

One of the things that I (and thus you) have learned about Mormons so far is that they don't drink caffeine. That will, of course, put you in a serious bind when it comes to being a Mormon on a plane (wasn't Samuel L. in that?), because there's hardly anything there in the galley what don't have caffeine in it. So once about six months ago, during one of those times when you guys are inside delayed and we're camping out in the no-AC plane, I blundered into the galley and there was the FO (who I knew was Mormon) busily concocting some concoction. I asked him what the deal was... you know you can't drink anything in here, I said. Au contraire, Tom said merrily, and backed up to reveal this:

Exhibit A, he said: the Mormon Mixer. While I made faces trying to come up with something to say, he explained that, to make this beast, you start with a base of OJ, sling in an unspecified amount of cranberry juice, and lace it with a healthy dash of Ginger Ale/Sprite/What-Have-You, and bingo, you have something that is aethetically appealing and consumable by the devout.
I tried one. It's hard to get the mix right. I wouldn't say you have to be a Mormon to get it right, but it probably contributed to my getting it wrong a few times that I wasn't one.
I imagine this drink could substitute a caffeine safe haven for other religions as well. A Christian Cocktail, for example. Perhaps a Catholic Cool One, or maybe a Scientology Slammer. I'd like to serve up a Hindu Wallbanger one day. But probably not a Phil-Draws-Down-A-Fatwa-If-He-Even-Tries-A-Joke-About-This-One Elixir.
Anyway... the reason I waited six months to tell you this is that initially, I thought the FO was just making stuff up. Mormon Mixer? Yeah right. But the other day, I mixed one up because I'm on the wagon again vs. carbonated stuff, and the other FA saw me finish it and said, "Oh, are you Mormon?"
Showed me.

P.S. A funny nickname for Mormons around here is a 'Mo.' That makes me laugh every time, and it's because, every time, I picture a missionary in his white shirt and black tie slapping himself in a circle and going, "WOOBWOOBwoobwoobwoob!"

P.P.S. For those of you who are not L.M., the FO's name in this story was not Tom. In an uncharacteristic moment of subtlety and an all too characteristic moment of obscurity, I threw in a Swifty. Ask your grandparents about those.


Blogger AkuTyger said...

I have lately found myself reading a lot of Mormon blogs (which is how I found you, in fact, as a link on the link of one I read) and they all seem to be very nice people. That drink sounds good, to be honest. If I ever come across some ginger ale down here, I'll give it a try. Also cranberry juice, now that I think about it. We don't have that either.

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know what Swifties are, and I'm trying like heck to make that one work (she au contraired merrily) but I'm lost. She said. Maplessly. L.M.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Think gardens growing. I told you it was obscure.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Aku: if ever there was a place I imagined to have ginger from which to make ale, and cranberries just hanging around on bushes, it was the middle of South America. None of that? Wow. That sucks.
I will now reveal a secret the corporations don't want you to know... ginger ale is 90% Sprite, 10% Coke. And while we're on that, cola 'flavor' is about equal parts vanilla, cinnamon, and citrus. Coke favrs orange, and Pepsi jacks up the lemon. That's the only difference. And YES, there are trace amounts of cocaine in Coke, because of the coca leaf bleaching process, but not enough to get you fired from anywhere. There's no Pepsid AC in Pepsi, though.

Wow. I think I may be a dork.

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know about you level of dorkness, since I just spent the day watching my office mate learning the Kryptonian alphabet.

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I suppose there's a double swifty in there, or perhaps a swifty-pun duo, if you remember the hero from OLD western movies, Tom Mix... L.M.

12:18 PM  

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