Since the dawn of man, all humans have known someone who had a friend who was a flight attendant. Here, now, I am that friend.Pardon Our Emergency
Did another trip on the EMB, and remembered that I forgot to tell you something funny about it. When they start up the engines on that plane, it makes a loud siren-type noise over the interphone. I know what that noise is... my old VW Beetle used to do the same thing over my $50 Sparkomatic stereo (which should tell you a lot about the EMB). But the passengers don't know what that noise is. And of course, the pilots always start up the engines right as I'm making the first announcement:
ME: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Hummana-Hummana Airlines flight--
EMB: WOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOO!
The only thing you can do to stop this noise is to release the talk button on the interphone, which also means you have to stop talking. Hearing a siren sound interrupt an announcement on an airplane does not inspire confidence, and about the only thing that can worsen that lack of confidence (besides me wearing a clown suit to work) is three seconds of dead silence after what sounds like a siren. The next few words after that have to be spoken with crystal clarity and utter calm, or else it's like flying with 30 mousetraps for the rest of the flight.
I have been assembling a list of things I'm going to do on the last day I work here, and one of them is definitely to wear a clown suit to work and follow that siren with, "OH DEAR GOD WHAT'S HAPPENING!?"
ME: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Hummana-Hummana Airlines flight--
EMB: WOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOO!
The only thing you can do to stop this noise is to release the talk button on the interphone, which also means you have to stop talking. Hearing a siren sound interrupt an announcement on an airplane does not inspire confidence, and about the only thing that can worsen that lack of confidence (besides me wearing a clown suit to work) is three seconds of dead silence after what sounds like a siren. The next few words after that have to be spoken with crystal clarity and utter calm, or else it's like flying with 30 mousetraps for the rest of the flight.
I have been assembling a list of things I'm going to do on the last day I work here, and one of them is definitely to wear a clown suit to work and follow that siren with, "OH DEAR GOD WHAT'S HAPPENING!?"
posted by Phil at 6:46 PM
4 Comments:
One of my favorite Far Side cartoons was the view from outside a commercial airliner. You can see the pilot and co-pilot in the cockpit. One of them is shouting, "Oh my God, the fuel light's on! We're going to die! We're all going to die! Oh, wait...no, that's the intercom light." Through the windows, you can see panicked faces on the passengers.
PAX: (Nervously.) Excuse me, person-not-dressed-as-a-clown, what's that loud siren-type noise mean?
Skywaiter: (Feigning calm.) Well, it's certainly not an emergency, that's for sure. That's the captain's Sparkomatic stereo firing up, that's all. Really. I swear. Hey, don't you owe me a dollar?
One of my flying club's aircraft has a noisy strobe light system. You can either talk on the radio, or have the strobes on - if you try to do both at once, your transmission is inaudible thanks to the wooo-WOOOOOOOOOO wooo-WOOOOOOOOOO.
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