Thursday, October 04, 2007


WARNING: This is a vomit story.
Thankfully, I don't have a lot of vomit stories yet. I mean, I have a few. To be a flight attendant is to have a few vomit stories. There was this one business woman who was a professional traveler and, due to her recurring airsickness, a professional vomiter. She had just accepted that she got sick flying and, to her, it was just an occupational nuisance. Something she planned for. I found all this out through random conversation, and then right in the middle of her explanation, she quick-drew the airsick bag and exploded into it. Precisely. Casually. And then, with not even so much as watery eyes, she said, "See? Told you."
That's not the story I'm going to tell you. The one I am going to tell you features a lady vomiting and screaming simultaneously. I was unaware that it was possible to eject food and vocalize at the same time, but guess what. As I was headed up the aisle, I heard someone go, "BAAAA-UGGLE-AUGGLE-GLAHH!" For being a yell, it was fairly quiet, and at first I thought maybe I had imagined it. So I waited, and sure enough, it happened again. This time I spotted a poor red-headed lady upchucking into the bag, trying hard to be innocuous. But each time she did it, she started out with a louder and louder BAAAAAAA, to which she would eventually add food. Which is kind of the opposite of innocuous, and also kind of amazing, because as I've said, I had no idea that you could yell and barf at the same time.
It's my job to go make sure you're OK when you're sick on my plane. But I know I hate it when people are staring at me when I'm shouting for Huey in public. So I sidled over to them, gave a bottle of water and some napkins to her friend, and said, "Here... just in case you might... need some water and napkins. Not that you do."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it when you to make me laugh so hard I cry all my makeup off first thing in the morning! L.M.

7:19 AM  

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