Wednesday, August 15, 2007

51 And A Half Things I Learned This Year

I thought of a lot of different ways to officially sum up my first year as a flight attendant, but all of them were stupid, so I went with a this: a list of the most important things I learned over the last 365 days. I'm sure some of them will benefit you, even if you spend your life on the ground.

The tri-cities are Pasco, Richland, and Kennewick.
The four corners are Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, and Colorado.
The quad cities are Rock Island, Moline, Davenport, East Moline, and
Bettendorf. Seriously.
No matter how drunk you are, you
cannot walk with your feet ten feet offa Beale.
There is a queen of Canada, and she's the same one they use in England.
Molson will give you a hangover.
A pack of coffee grinds will blunt the odor in the lavatory.
Two stripes is really a flight engineer.
A dry heat really
is better.
Evacuations, when done properly, are amazing.
Evacuations, when done improperly, are hilarious.
It is much easier to accidentally kill someone than to rescusitate them on purpose.
Landing with someone in the lavatory is bad.
That thing at LAX
is a spaceship, but it's drydocked.
The view from the cockpit is cool.
The view from the galley service door is still cool, but smaller.
You can lie down in the grass in Utah and not be disintegrated by chiggers.
Utahns do not know what chiggers are.
Putting out a fire is fun. Wearing a Portable Breathing Apparatus while doing so is not.

You can't park in front of a fire hydrant.
Widescreen HD TVs are way awesome, but you can't pick them up by yourself.
A red arrow means don't go that way.
A 'coat' is like a thicker shirt that keeps you warm in the cold.
Both skiiers and snowboarders think the other is stupid, but only one of them is correct.
The beverage cart wants to
kill you.
It's harder to pronounce Boise the way they say it.
Always always ALWAYS insist on walking through a prospective apartment.
The Great Saltair sucks.
The Great Salt Lake smells.
'Cold' is what happens when all the heat goes away.
There are ducks everywhere you damn go in this state.
In some states, ducks are more important than some people.
Snowboarders are correct.
The EMB is like a rollercoaster without a track.
The Salt Lake City Public Library is awesome, and it has books.
Hiking the M in Missoula will destroy you if you're from the South.
Ducks secretly hate each other.
'Snow' is water that has solidified because of cold, and it happens in mountains.
Rampers are insane.
Gate agents can't count.
All bonsai trees come into existence fully grown.
L.M. is the best.
Kentucky Fried Chicken really did start in Utah.
A 'mountain' is a huge pile of dirt you can drive up and down on.
Mormons really do say 'oh my heck.'
The hardest thing to see in South Dakota is four presidents carved into a mountain.
Niagara Falls features a BUTTLOAD of water.
When you run a blog about flying and you skip a week or two, readers think you crashed.
There is an insidious Communist threat afoot concerning cheese.
The St. Louis Arch is neat. And you can go in it as well as under it.
I like being a flight attendant.
The meaning of life is

Thanks for reading, everyone. And now... ONTO NEXT YEAR!


Blogger philip said...

You said "A 'coat' is like a thicker shirt that keeps you warm in the cold." So THAT's what they keep talking about, eh? Always wondered and now I know.
Thanks Phil!!!!

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Samwise said...

"Niagara Falls features a BUTTLOAD of water."

You probably mean "metric buttload" as the part of Falls you visited is in Canada... :)

7:01 PM  

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