Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Two Wierdos That Asked For Ridiculous Things

So we've already gone over what kind of passengers not to be. But every now and then some piece of work shows up that is so many of these bad passengers rolled into one that's impossible to figure out which they shouldn't be.
Take this one lady. She seemed to have a checklist of everything that you could possibly ask a flight attendant for in flight, and she went down this list in alphabetical order. She asked for a blanket, and then waited till we were back up front again to ask for a pillow. She complained that the seat didn't recline as much as she wanted. She wanted me to get her calf-sized* purse out of the overhead bin and then put it back up again an inordinate amount of times. She, not content to wait for the beverage service like everyone else, asked for Coke, water, Sprite, crackers earplugs, and napkins... both before and after the service. But where she really became fantastic is when she called me over and pointed at the five-year-old in the row ahead of her.
"Can you tell that lady in front of me to get her child to shut up?" she asks indignantly. Gesturing at the people around her (most of whom were asleep and none of whom were paying attention), she continues, "I think we all deserve some peace and quiet, and I've about reached my limit."
I look at the kid, who is quietly naming the things she can see out the window. She is not at all causing a ruckus. I look back at this lady, who is expectantly waiting for me to do something she is not courageous enough to do herself. So I lean over directly in front of the kid's mother and quietly ask her if there's anything else I can do for her. She shakes her head sweetly, and then I give the windbag a nod and a smile as I head back to the galley.
And then this other lady... I really can't believe I'm about to type this story out loud. This elderly lady began the same way by asking for things every five minutes in order of increasing wierdness, and capped it off by asking for vaseline.
With the same helplessness with which characters in horror movies open the creaky door, I asked what she needed the vaseline for. And she nonchalantly explained that she's just had surgery and lost a lot of weight, and she needed vaseline so her buttocks don't chafe together.
I really couldn't look at her for the rest of the flight.

*Baby cow, not lower leg


Blogger Clarence said...

I love your job.

1:16 PM  

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