Sir, Come Out Of The Bathroom With Your Hands Up

My first flight happened today, and it started with a bang. I was on a two-flight-attendant flight, and the other one didn't show... I was on my own for my first pre-flight inspection. That's OK, seeing as how I just got out of school and know how to do that, but there's nothing like having two pilots standing over you, saying, "Well, you stewardesses all live together, right? Where is she?" They finally got her on board, rushed and a mess... turns out they forgot to call her. Which makes me wonder if the Gothamites really did need me yesterday. Oh well.
Flew to Los Angeles, and then to Portland, where I witnessed my first violation of federal aviation law (you'll notice that I've very carefully excised every mention of exactly what airline I work for, and I've done that expressly so that when things like this happen, I can tell you about them). It wasn't me did the violating... some senile old man toddled into the lavatory (or the 'lav,' in flight attendant parlance) and wouldn't come out during landing. He wasn't the kindly senile... he was the other kind, where when you tell them something, they dismiss you with an impatient wave and an implied, "You may go." The other attendant banged on the door for a while, and the captain eventually decided to land with him in there, which in FAA terms is a grevious trangression of epic proportions. He tried to come out a few minutes before we hit the runway, but by that time the other attendant had opened her jumpseat, which locks in place right in front of the door, and so he was stuck. And I mean the feds were waiting for this guy when he got off the plane. The lesson to be learned here is, when we tell you to get out of the bathroom, get out now and pull up your pants later.
Somewhere near the Canadian border, the co-pilot had to take 'the walk of shame,' which is what they call heading all the way to the back of the plane to go to the lav, and policy dictates that there shall be two folk in the flight deck at all times, and so yours truly got to sit in the cockpit. You can't imagine the view. It's like all the Christmas trees you've ever seen, writ small across a great and far away black ocean. You guys are really missing it back there in first class.
Ended up in Los Angeles for the night. Found out that big spaceship thing outside of LAX is actually a restaurant. Next time I'm here, I'm going.